I had this amazingly, awesomely funny update written up and ready to go (hey, it featured a joke about Greg Evigan! That's like real internet humor!) and then my computer spazzed and I lost it. I was going to insert a joke about 'things could be worse' with the punchline 'I could also be Eric Clapton's former babysitter!' but that witty platitude would've been immediately followed by the sounds of a scraping barrel. Ah! There it is now!
<tangent>Oh shit! Sitting and writing this update in the Create A New Entry template is actually making me sexually aroused! Internet viagra, ahoy!</tangent>
Internet popularity is like a fickle ex-boyfriend (or, in my case, a fickle ex-friend who never, ever had a chance to become an ex-boyfriend, and took said fickleness to his early, lonely grave). At first emails were desperate, anxious attempts to establish a sense of certainty regarding the future ('what's going on? help!'). Then, said emails developed an irritated tone ('wtf?! I said HELP, goddammit! don't ignore me!'). When desperation, irritation, and aggravation didn't work things became nasty with overt accusations ('yeah, you know what? it's all YOUR fucking fault!'). After striking out three times the overall feel was one of shameful apology ('sorry, I'm sorry, I was being an asshole!'), and when groveling obviously didn't move my hardened heart'o'stone jealousy was invoked ('hey! guess what! I forgot to mention there was someone else!').
Oh, wait, I just confused 'fickle non-ex-boyfriend' with 'internet popularity' again - oh, A! Okay, okay, I'll stop kicking my (dead) ex-friend in his (dead) ex-face, now. Well, maybe I have time for one more kick...what's that? You'd rather hear about what's going on with Benway Bunnies instead? You sure? Okay, fine! I'd hate to subject anyone to me STOMPING ON SOMEONE ELSE'S FORMER LIFE, REPUTATION, AND EMOTIONS IN A PUBLIC FORUM VISITED BY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE EVERY MONTH! (I win by still being alive, LOL!) Right, how to start? I suppose I'll tackle the SUPER BIG QUESTIONS most people are asking and the STUPID SMALL QUESTIONS which greatly amuse no one but me. An equal balance in all things!
Q: Are you still writing?
A: No. Right now R and I are working on the important non-writing aspects of work. I have - in the past three or four days - clocked a decent word count, but it isn't material suitable for addition to this site (mostly due to format). If this is subtle attempt at a 'when are you going to update, dammit?' question on your part (one that has obviously failed), please see answer #3.
Q: Will you return to writing in the future?
A: Duh. LOL! Sorry, occasionally I have to succumb to temptation! Dude - YES! Writing is MY CAREER, not a hobby. The difference between me and a lot of other people on the internet is I DO THIS FOR REAL.
Q: When are you going to update BB with new work?
A: What are you going to bribe me with? (Correct answer: amphetamines, frankincense, and myrrh!) The site will be updated with new material ONCE I HAVE NEW MATERIAL. I've come to a point in my career where my focus needs to shift to larger, more profitable projects. While I do love adding to the site on a regular basis, I doubt I'll return to updating once a week.
Q: Where can I find: "sexy co-ed witches sex rituals", "third base love", "japan cyborg sexy", "ass splitting sex", "pro-communist speeches", "requirements for becoming a nun", "nastasia big boobs sex story" (Jesus, ew, WTF?!) and "myspace pics of yul brinner [sic]"?
A: Right HERE, except for the last one. (And when you DO find sexy Yul Brynner pictures for myspace layouts I fully expect you to share them!)
And for those INTERNET DETECTIVES out there that've been abusing this journal's SEARCH FUNCTION and prying Google for information THAT I CAN EASILY GIVE IF THEY JUST CONTACTED ME (Oh no! A's sending out mixed messages again - and talking about herself in third person!): NO, THERE ARE NO RAPE STORIES (yet!). Please keep your rape panties on until they're removed by force! There will be rape, I PROMISE! (The inclusion of rape in my/our work acts as an angry reponse to patriarchal inability to peacefully coincide with mankind's former matriarchal societal structure - LOL! J/K! Rape's just sexy! Take that, feminists!)
(On a darker note: NO, there's absolutely no information about THE DIVACUP to be found here, and there most likely won't ever be. You can't please everyone, but you can at least displease the people who aren't happy further.)
Whoever must've been looking for BUKKAKE probably had an aneurysm when IT, OH MY GOD, ACTUALLY POPPED UP ONCE OR TWICE IN MY JOURNAL ENTIRES (keyword spamming works, people!). The story Educated Guess has been removed from the site, and no amount of trying to find it on Google is going to bring it back. (Secret: if you really, really like a certain story but it's no longer 'public' just EMAIL ME AND I MIGHT JUST UPLOAD IT FOR YOU TO READ!)
And, dude - I don't know if it's the same goddamn person who's been searching for CUCKOLD on BB for years - but FOR FUCK'S SAKE, IF THE KEYWORD HASN'T EVEN BEEN MENTIONED ONCE IN A FUCKING FIVE OR SIX YEAR PERIOD IT MOST LIKELY WON'T BE APPEARING ANY TIME SOON. I CAN recommend that you keep an eye out for necrophilia, pedophilia, bestiality, rape, demon sex and more, though! That is to say...I'll get around to it eventually. Search away! Just make sure to remind yourself that we here at Benway Bunnies don't cater to disgusting sexual practices; there are sites out there for perverts like you, and this isn't one of them! (PERVERT!)
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