I have the esteemed pleasure of writing this update while hyped up on six cups of caffeinated coffee, and I'm so goddamn wired I'm about to start twitching like I've got some sort of nervous disorder. The fact that this update involves Ostia (who is, quite possibly, more manic than Aspasia...but usually in a less hostile way) isn't helping my current condition (which is being made exponentially worse by 80s songs playing on a loop in my fucking head).
I have a gut feeling this update will be short and disjointed, and R will corner me and ask 'DID YOU WRITE THIS WHILE HIGH, OR SOMETHING?' (coffee, coffee, coffee!). It's taking an amazing amount of restraint to keep my clothes on and sit in one place. The thought of running around the house naked while making ethnically insensitive Native American noises (which I can get away with, by the way, since I am a whole 1/8th Lakhota) is tempting, and if R doesn't wake up from his nap soon I'm going to have to explain why I used lipstick as war paint and stripped all the beds bare to make a tepee.
Concentrate, Alana, CONCENTRATE!
Right! Yes! October is HERE! And if you're A) a seasoned reader or B) read last week's entry (cheater!), you'll know that this update kicks off Benway Bunnies's 2005 Halloween Spectacular! For the next month (or the next 5 updates) my work will be exclusively focused on all things spooky, creepy, and supernatural. I'm planning to cover three of the most important 'horror' bases (i.e., EXPLICIT SEX, SCARY STUFF, & EXCESSIVE GORE - not necessarily in that order), and if anything else manages to sneak in we can just consider it a bonus.
At this point characters involved AREN'T set in stone, save two (i.e., Liberty & Justice). Ideas are being tossed around that might involve some Co-Ed Witches or Creepy Family members, and, if we're all lucky, a brand new character. Since I'm notorious for never preparing for anything (except for zombie attacks which I take VERY SERIOUSLY, so please don't break in this house because R will confirm that I keep a machete in the bedroom) I can't give you any more information, other than 'IT'LL BE GREAT! TRUST ME!'.
So for the next few weeks you'll be on a supernatural ride (YOU, YES YOU, SIT BACK DOWN AND KEEP YOUR HANDS IN THE CARRIAGE AT ALL TIMES!) culminating in a SUPER AWESOME TERRIFIC Halloween update. Those with medical conditions, children (do your parents know that I've had a hand in raising you so far?), and pregnant women (remember ladies - abortion is ALWAYS an option!) can thumb through archived footage (i.e., 2004 Halloween Spectacular) to desensitise themselves in preparation for the main event. I highly recommend Extra Credit with Kathleen - it's the lighter side of necrophilia!
I bet you're asking yourself (just play along, and yes, you do have to speak in all caps or shout at the screen) 'ALANA, WHAT AMAZING CHARACTER STARTS THIS YEAR'S HALLOWEEN SPECTACULAR?' - ignoring the fact that I already mentioned Ostia at the start of the update. Sex zombie experiment gone wrong, ahoy!
I was PLANNING to fleece you with a bogus reason for the story's format (i.e., 'it let me solely focus on her narration without the distraction of writing about actions!'), but, honestly, I was a lazy cunt this past week and didn't even bother starting this week's story until it was due. Business as usual!
Dear Dad chronicles another high octane Ostia adventure, complete with blood thirsty penguins, nymphomaniac polar bears, and some forged notes. Life's never dull when you can grow back limbs and you were created for the diverse purposes of KILLING and DESTROYING! Since I've admitted that I kind've sort've phoned this story in and quite a few people have written in this past year requesting more Ostia material, I promise that she's a character I'll try and 'revisit' before the year's out.
To read Ostia's arctic adventure, Dear Dad, click HERE! Or you can start your own mini-expedition by hunting the story down in the Misc. Sexy Girls section within Fiction - watch out for those penguins and aliens trapped under the ice! Dear Dad can be found under the 2005 header, but you'll need to dig a little deeper to exhume other assorted Ostia goodness. If you're a loser science nerd and don't like the sound of that, you can skip the corpse metaphors and just look up her name up in the Character Index. Quit being boring!
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