Strike everything I said last week off the record - you don't REALLY have to be responsible and mature by age 25 (especially when you're working with the emotional age of 11). Let's push my previous tongue-in-cheek diatribe forward five more years; you don't have to be an adult until you're 30. Now 30 is an age I can work with (at least until I turn it).
All right, fine. I'll confess, you don't have to torture me. Just a week into being 25 I've reverted back to 24 (and 23 and 22 - habits you've never been forced to break ARE REALLY FUCKING HARD TO BREAK) and the only thing I have to show for it is being four pounds lighter. I laughed in the face of my Saturday deadline until the Friday before, where my editor found me banging my forehead off my monitor in frustration.
Hello procrastination (it isn't as smooth as 'silence' but at least Simon & Garfunkel won't sue my ass for royalties) my old friend, I've come to talk to you again. Then again, 'procrastination' and I are joined at the hip like a more attractive set of Siamese twins. Christians and Catholics alike have it all wrong - sloth isn't a vice, it's a swanky lifestyle!
And what BETTER way to celebrate all things slothful than with Jerusalem, my heavy weight champion of being lazy (it's funny because she's lazy and overweight - LOL!). I could (in)correctly assume that the mere mention of Jerusalem's name to some seasoned readers would cause 'an instant hard followed by an inevitable wank' (see what pearls of wisdom my readers impart on me?). Doubly so if I said 'this week, folks, it's a Jerusalem AND Rhiannon story' (OMFG - GOOD IDEA - OMFG).
I can confirm the rumours! This week's story IS narrated by Jerusalem and heavily features Rhiannon AND THEY'RE BOTH IN BED TOGETHER, NAKED. Before the hands go flying all She-Bop style I should probably level any fantasies by mentioning that the story also features Emmanuelle, Jerusalem's virginal younger sister. Sex story? I'm afraid not, Jerusalem might be strange but she's not THAT twisted (incest is discreetly contained in the Creepy Family).
Good ole Jerusalem was far from my mind last week when putting the final touches on Road Trip. Bolstered by it's success (hey, a handful of people ignored my 'IF YOU CONTACT ME I'LL EAT YOU ALIVE' warning to tell me how much they liked it - that's a HARDCORE EXTREME success around these parts) I considered writing with Kir once again, but wasn't entirely sold on featuring her two weeks in a row.
Rhiannon got thrown around (don't worry, she's pretty light and she's into that sort've thing) but I didn't feel I was prepared to tackle her somewhat carefree personality. So, at least for now, Road Trip II has been shelved for a later date, but at least she got another starring role in a situation that's a billion times sexier than hanging out in a worn-out semi with Kir.
One Favour is Jerusalem's second 'real' story. She's helped narrate parts of a few pieces (Educated Guess & Made Not Born), but, until now, has only had one (Good Idea) to call her own. Unsurprisingly - since she is one of the major Benway Bunny characters - she features in a long list of stories where her harmonious presence is dully noted.
She officially has one up on Rhiannon who can only claim one story to her name (Morning After), a handful of multiple narratives (Educated Guess & Made Not Born), and a barrage of stories she simply appears in. In fact, I think she's one of those characters who has an exponentially high cameo to narration ratio, probably the only girl (other than someone like Melanie) with such an imbalance.
Emmanuelle's a relatively new character to the fabulous Benway Bunny world, briefly appearing for the first time late last year in the 2004 Halloween spectacular known as Made Not Born. In One Favour she has a more substantial role that gives everyone some insight on Jerusalem's past, and in turn Jerusalem does a fairly good job at introducing her introverted sister to the world (an introvert and extrovert in the same family - who would've thought?).
It's fairly commonplace that I denounce the new story every week, dissecting it to give grisly examples on why I hate it. One Favour managed to bypass the butchering block giving it the Alana seal of approval. That's not to say that there aren't faults with it, it's just that the GOOD outweighs the BAD. And when your editor announces 'THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE WITH THE CHARACTER' you can't help but feel slightly accomplished (and more forgiving).
For a story I didn't plan with a character that wasn't even really on my mind I'm quite happy with the outcome. Then again, how can you NOT feel even remotely satisfied when the person who holds the ultimate verdict says 'this is the funniest thing you've written in a while'? So One Favour has been awarded 'BEST STORY EVER WITH THIS CHARACTER' and 'FUNNIEST STORY WRITTEN RECENTLY'.
Not too shabby coming from someone who shares a spiritual connection with the heavy weight champion of lazy of the fiction world, right? Right.
To read this week's newest story, One Favour, simply click here. Or you can go the leisurely route and park your ass in the Barely Legal section of Fiction. One Favour can be found under the 2005 header. And while you're there make sure to hit up Good Idea, Educated Guess, and Made Not Born.
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